A few weeks ago I finished this book a friend had urged me to read so we could discuss it. Distracted by other things, I let it sit for a week or two and since it needed to be returned to the library I set aside a bit of Saturday to read it. Much of what Sax finds wrong with the way we are raising boys I was familiar and mostly agreed with, but I don't know if he sees the irony in how we are creating boys who are at the same time are more and less dangerous than their forefathers.
Sax states that boys are turning out to have little work ethic, interest in much of anything and well are mostly spoiled mama's boys dependent upon parents for everything. Quite a blow to a mother of boys or for me one boy, the Kitty. The factors in this demise range from the effects of ADHD medicine, schools catering to female DNA, to hormones in the water. These are mostly likely factors, but I think something more important is missing and that is parenting.
As a homeschool mom I parent 24/7. There are few and far between breaks. I feed 3 meals a day to my kids, plus snacks. We don't do sleepovers, or drop off playdates, or Mom's Morning Out. Grandparents aren't available when I feel the urge to scream. When my kids particpate in sports, music, or ballet lessons I'm there. My kids watch 2 movies per week and my son maybe gets a video game for a small amount of time on Sundays.
I'm not looking to brag or say I'm perfect or have it all figured out since I'm far from that. I do know that you have to be INVOLVED. You have to ENGAGE. You have SET REAL LIMITS when they are young with certain things. You have to be willing to learn new strategies for each kid and ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG and fix it.
You can't depend on a pill. I know that we're parenting in a brave new world, but soma is not the answer. We are. God is. Slowing down and evaluating your life and what is a priority. Kids are not an accessory. I volley between being a planner and a fly by the seat of your pants gal. I like to let my kids have space, but I strew things for them to become engaged in. I guard them against certain things. I do not believe the mainstram is the river I'm diving into and I'm not the throw them into the water and see if they can swim parent either.
I think boys need the space and encouragement to be dangerous, to take risks, to believe and want to fight for something, or someone. Turning our boys hearts toward service and family and most importantly God will give them a mission in life, a purpose. I want to watch my son turn ino a strong man. We have taken so much from our men in an effort to raise up women, I wonder when we will see we are partners and not adversaries. We are not androgynous beings whose needs can be met in the same ways.Boys Adrift is a book about boys who are lost and lack parents who are engaged in fighting against what the poplous thinks is "normal" for boys. It's anything BUT normal.
